Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
