yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
