How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
