my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
