It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That accounts for only three of the penises
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
