Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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