he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
