***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
