can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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