Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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