And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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