I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
