My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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