Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
