you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
