Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
