I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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