dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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