so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
