am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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