i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
