Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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