just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
