I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
