He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Randomize
