3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
