My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
