I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
