Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
love makes seman taste better
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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