It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
