I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ladies don't puke and tell
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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