Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
