dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
