That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
