Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
