I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
