I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
