I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
