Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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