Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
