i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
