fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
