I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
