I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize