i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
