tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Did I show you my penis last night?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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