people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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