ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
