I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
