i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
