mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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