I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
