I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Welp...herpes.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
