Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
