so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Girls should come with a carfax report
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
