You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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