your parents love me but you hate me
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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