the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
