What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
