it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
