: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
