P.S. I can't hear my feet
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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