then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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