Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I met the friendliest cop last night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
