i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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