im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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