The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you never un-have a 4some
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
