she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
