my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
