Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
