Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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