I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
