whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
