My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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