life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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