if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
