I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
